Monday, June 10, 2019
Sunday, May 5, 2019
I've been thinking of a close friend of mine. She's raising two teenagers. As many before her have learned, a woman can birth two children, and they can grow to be so drastically different that it feels they can’t possibly be related.
|No Answers Yet|
Did it help? I responded.
We didn't discuss the photo-bomb wine, because it's super-funny, except it's not.
Principaling. Parenting. Neither have a code (though that doesn't stop us from looking for it): There are too many ingredients. Time, demographics, effort, community, culture, history, nature, nurture, perhaps the way the wind blows and the stars align. Most people parent as they were parented, or they flip the narrative and parent in the precise opposite way they were parented. It makes sense, because pretty much everything we do in this world is related to something we've seen from others and our conscious decision to follow the model or eschew it.
I say "we," but I really mean "me." I often use inclusive pronouns to make myself feel like part of a team.
There's lots of books out there, and there are a lot of Facebook groups, Twitter chats, blogs, and feeds. None can provide the answers for perfect parenting or perfect principaling.
But there is one thing: Getting up, stepping up, working our fingers off, and being fierce in our determination to do the
Friday, April 19, 2019
Teacher lounges are funny places. I love and hate them, in the same way I love and hate—oh, I don't know. Zoos. Laundromats. Tire stores. Stories are found there, that's fo sho. Lots of stories.I’ve always thought it would be a great project to collect stories from teachers’ lounges across the country, in the same spirit as Humans of New York. The laughter, the anxiety, the therapy, the human connections. The friendship and awkward silences. The way substitutes are treated. The coffee pot, the toaster, the random Sweet-and-Low envelopes mixed in with salt packets. There is a disgusting microwave, mismatched plates, random collections of cutlery, cabinets full of random-origin chipped coffee mugs. Hundreds of different chunks of napkins left from hundreds of parent-teacher-conference night dinners.
And the food—oh, the food. All day long, all year long, there are meals, breakfast and lunch and dinner and everything in between. There is a steady stream of leftovers, forgotten tidbits left in the refrigerator to die—expired salad dressings, wilted lettuce, blackblackblack bananas, yogurt with an expiration date of 1992. It isn't atypical for people to bring leftovers from home to share, or bring things they don't want in their cabinets any longer. They drop all kinds of things in the lounge, sometimes pre-announced with an email and sometimes just left on a table for communal consumption. A half sheet cake from a child’s birthday party. A tray of sandwiches from a graduation. A box of Valentine’s chocolates. Last month, someone left an entire case of Shakeology from the BeachBody Diet. I chuckled at that one. Abandoned goals, I guess.
Saturday, March 30, 2019
Saturday, March 23, 2019
Mary Norris wrote of particles when explaining her dive into the Greek language in her New Yorker piece, "To The Letter."
Who knew there was a word for the tools that help us enhance meaning, "...the small, indefinable, not strictly necessary words that linguists dryly call 'function words' and which are known in Greek grammar as particles... Particles help make a language a language. They give it currency and connect you to the person you're speaking with. English is loaded with particles, words and expressions that float up constantly in speech." Norris gives examples:
Like, totally, so, you know, O.K., really, actually, honestly, literally, in fact, at least, I mean, quite, of course, after all, hey, sure enough... know what I mean? Just sayin'.
"Some people deplore the extra words as loose and repetitive, and complain that kids today are lazy and inarticulate and are destroying the beauty of the language," Norris says. She's right. I've heard that done. But Norris explained their value, and summarized precisely why I actually really enjoy particles: They "act like nudges, pokes, facial expressions."
I like a good conversational nudge. A secret little word poke. When words become a facial expression. It's fun.
When I was a teenager, my father pointed out, gently, as he was wont to do, how often I was saying "like" in my conversations. "Listen to yourself," he said. I did. He was right; I was using "like," like, all the time.
Saying "like" wasn't wrong, in and of itself. Using it as the only particle in my arsenal was my mistake.
Which is why I'm never annoyed when I hear students using particles and experimenting with their meaning and effectiveness. After all, all they're doing is connecting with others through words. Who can dispute the benefits of a kid learning to communicate?
It's super-cool. Truly.
*By the way, if you're into such things, track down this piece in The New Yorker. The the effort—the will!— Norris puts into understanding ancient Greek language is unidentifiable to me, but is, among other things, indisputably impressive.
Saturday, March 2, 2019
So I'm writing a pep-talk blog post. The pep talk may be for you, or it may be for me, or maybe both. In the end, it doesn't matter—just so it serves a purpose for one of us.
This year's relentless array of challenges have grown almost comical. Every single time I think there will be a quiet day, I'm blasted with an out-of-left-field problem I didn't see coming. It's been a hard year. Students struggling, staff struggling, an endless stream of parents finding fault, causing fault, raising all kinds of hell.
I've also felt cold for five straight months, and there aren't enough sweatshirts to take it away. My skin feels like a crinkled, worn parchment. My house is crumb-y and my clothes all look the same. Rut, rut, rut.
There should be some sort of law that if you live in Ohio, you go somewhere warm as winter wanes. For a day or two, even. That's all.
My sister lives in Mexico City. Almost on a whim, my husband and I packed up our kids, tank tops, and sun hats, and flew there to see her and her family. We spent three full days drinking in the stories of this rich, layered city. I stepped back from myself and pictured an energy tank that was filling, filling, filling up. We were buoyed, giddy: The colors! The sun! The tortillas! The welcoming smiles of the people! The blue of the sky! For breakfast the first day, my niece squished up a fresh avocado and spread it on thick wheat toast with a drizzle of spicy sauce on top. I ate it every day we were there, and have eaten it every day since.
Seasonal depression is a real thing, methinks. I'm a relentlessly positive person, but there were many days this winter I wondered, "What is wrong with me?" Blech and ick and meh and blah.
A few weeks ago, I presented to a group of principals about ways to avoid burnout. The topic itself was an irony not lost on me, since there I was, presenting as some sort of expert, and I felt—had been feeling— like a wet, bedraggled rat trying to scurry and scrape my way out of dirty depths of seasonal doldrums. I felt like a fraud: Who had thought I could talk on avoiding burnout?
I started by being really honest about the internal fights of frustration in my own mind, reminding them multiple times, "I don't have answers. I can only offer validation." I felt the audience really sitting up. Putting down their phones and closing their laptops. Agreeing and relating. When I finished, one raised his hand. "Why don't principals feel like they can talk about their dark times?"
We kept talking and talking, long after the session was scheduled to end, as we tried to answer his question.
"We have to be the strong ones."
"We're not paid to have bad days."
"There is no time to wallow."
"Everything just moves too quickly."
"We need to be unbreakable."
All these things are valid. And it wouldn't be right or fair or productive to try to find a way out or around them. We are paid to be the strong, positive, confident ones. That's why we are leaders.
It's just what we need to do.
And, as they say, if we look around and see no one following, we're not leading. If we're grumpy, we're making everyone else grumpy. And that's not okay.
So let's pull our bootstraps—yank them, if needed—and bust through this month. Stay strong, my Midwest friends. The sun is coming out soon. It's a promise, promise, promise!
**This, by the way, is a photograph of a tree we saw when walking to the Teotihuacan Pyramids. I look at the colors and gasp a little. This tree alone may be enough to get through
Saturday, February 2, 2019
Instead, they want someone else to solve them.
Sunday, January 27, 2019
The passage of time helps; I could write about some of the things I experienced years ago. The question becomes: How far back is safe? A decade? Certainly a decade. Right?
Actually... Probably not.
I guess I'm trying to blog without controversy. Which is a lot like trying to eliminate stress: It sounds do-able enough, right up until you try it.
A close friend of mine got another job last week. It's a really good job— his dream job. He will be teaching and heading up a department at a prestigious university. His days will soon take on a different pace, pressure, and pull. It won't be better or worse, necessarily—just a different universe for a guy who's worked his entire career as a public school teacher and administrator. I envy him. He's starting over, and he can take what he's seen and help others learn from it openly and honestly. I'm jealous, in the good-jealous way; I am so happy for him I could pop. I'm glad he gets to do this thing. He deserves it more than any human being on earth, and I'm rooting for him with all of the luck-bones in my body. Not that he needs it.
Thinking about his new job reminded me of my consolation prize about not being able to blog the real truth about being an educator. Even when things happen for teachers and principals we can't write about (especially on a public blog, of all things), there is intense learning in all of them, and they deserve to be told to others as learning tools. All of my "day-in-the-life stories" tend to percolate inside my brain, and I'll often ask myself: "What happened here that holds value in making me a better principal? Is there something others can learn from it? How can the story be changed to honor privacy but still demonstrate an important learning point?"
That's why I tell versions of stories to my graduate students. They come to class after a loooong day of teaching, all slumpy and dull-eyed. Their backpacks and bags thump heavy on the floor next to their desks. This time of year, it's dark and gray and slushy, too, which is squelches the positivity of... well, anyone. Which is why I always open class with, "I have a reallllllllly good one for you today..."
They sit up. They attend. They relate—their arms raise with a question or a story of their own, or they explain a similar experience. We spend a chunk of time breaking it all apart: How was the situation handled? Did things turn out well or was the whole thing bungled? What could have changed its course? Stories grab my students' attention and, conveniently, demonstrate the applicability to key points on my syllabus.
Tuesday, January 1, 2019
ur school librarian sees every student in our school on a four-day rotation. One of the things I appreciate most about his work is the genuine connection he makes with his students with simple conversation. He doesn’t just say, “How was your day?” He asks them what is happening, how they feel about it, and how they react to challenges. He uses what they say to teach something important—not in a lecture-y way, but just asking the students to think about how their action and reaction contribute to their attitude. A few weeks ago, I heard him talk about bad days. “When things are hard, is it because you had a hard day—or because you had a hard five minutes?” He wants them to identify the difference. Because it's an important distinction. If there are 17,000 minutes in a day, and only a fraction of those are icky, there’s certainly time to embrace the good that came to us in the other thousands of minutes.
Monday, November 26, 2018
Like actors and directors.
Similarly, for students and teachers and parents, it's perfectly acceptable to blast a principal.
All those things can make what seems like a boneheaded decision make, like, a lot of sense.
If I had a dime for the times I’ve gotten criticism for a discipline determination, a poorly planned meeting, a poor word choice, even a lapse in composure—? Sheesh. I've heard it from everyone and anyone watching from many degrees removed, anyone who has a free pass to criticize that which doesn't make visible sense. Denigrate with gossip and speculation and snippy, snappy commentary—all just out of my earshot.
Noteworthy: Every single principal I've ever met, from near and far, has one thing in common: Trying their very best.
Noteworthy: No principal I've ever met, anywhere, did better work because of the whispered scorn or disparagement.
Noteworthy: Principals are a hopeful bunch. We'll keep on keeping on, even knowing we can't see one another work or learn from one another, and we'll deflect the naysayers and stay focused on the work of helping kids.
With four weeks left until holiday break, it's going to be a tough month. December is never easy. For my principal brethren, I wish you all a good month of strength and composure. And precisely no hurtful, unhelpful criticism.
Sunday, September 9, 2018
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